The Living Phoenix
“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”
~Nelson Mandela
We all fall, we all fail. At least once in our lives, things fail to go our way and we fall flat on our proverbial face in the splendor of utter humiliation. The easy thing to do would be to lie there motionless feeling sorry for ourselves and feeling angry towards the perceived cause of our failure…to wallow in self-pity as a victim of circumstance. That would be the easy thing, but it wouldn’t be the best thing, nor would it be the right thing for a fulfilling and healthy life. The best thing we could ever do for ourselves after a failure is to get right back up on our feet again, dust ourselves off and keep moving forward with the lessons learned from the last fall. I want to stress this point one more time…keep moving forward with the lessons learned from the last fall. The ability to live a life of resiliency is the ability to rise time and again from failure or setbacks armed with the lessons learned to rise above, to bring new life out of the ashes of defeat like the mythological bird, the Phoenix.
Failure happens, it is a fact of life that we all fail at something. The question is, how do you face that failure and move on from there? Resiliency, the ability to rise above adversity, is a key factor in how humanity deals with and moves forward from failure. In an excellent article in Psychology Today, Hara Estroff Marano writes, “Resilience may be an art, the ultimate art of living… At the heart of resilience is a belief in oneself—yet also a belief in something larger than oneself. Resilient people do not let adversity define them. They find resilience by moving towards a goal beyond themselves, transcending pain and grief by perceiving bad times as a temporary state of affairs,” (Marano, 2003). The idea of the saying, “This too shall pass,” is truly the belief that bad times are not a permanent fixture but just a moment of time that a person is moving through and they need to tough it out because they believe that better times are ahead.
While it is also true that everyone handles stresses differently, the ability to develop resilience is something that can be learned and honed to strengthen inner belief systems to better handle adversity. “Sometimes it is easier to be a victim; talking about how other people make you do what you do removes the obligation to change. And sympathy can feel sweet; talk of resilience can make some feel that no one is really appreciating exactly how much they have suffered…Resilient people don't walk between the raindrops; they have scars to show for their experience. They struggle—but keep functioning anyway. Resilience is not the ability to escape unharmed. It is not about magic,” (Marano, 2003). Survivors cultivate insight, the mental habit of asking themselves penetrating questions and then giving honest answers. They also take the initiative. They take charge of problems, stretching and testing themselves in order to reframe themselves. Reframing one’s mindset in challenging situations is at the heart of resilience. It is a way of shifting focus from a victim viewpoint (the world is aligned against me), a pessimistic view to one of optimism…what can I learn from this…I see the silver lining to the cloud viewpoint. Attitude is critical in resilience behavior in how you see the world.
“Psychologist Edith Grotberg, Ph.D., believes that everyone needs reminders of the strengths they have (in order to build up their resilience). She urges people to cultivate resilience by thinking along three lines:
I Have: strong relationships, structure, rules at home, role models; these are external supports that are provided;
I Am: a person who has hope and faith, cares about others, is proud of myself; these are inner strengths that can be developed;
I Can: communicate, solve problems, gauge the temperament of others, seek good relationships—all interpersonal and problem-solving skills that are acquired,” (Marano, 2003).
The ability to get back up off the mat when life knocks you down is truly one of the greatest life skills anyone can possess. It is not always that the race goes to the victor but to the one who persists. As the old cliché saying goes, “Quitters never win, and winners never quit.” Rise above your challenges and be the resilient person you know you can be, take care of yourself and each other, remember, we’re all in this together.
Wm Reid
Best Home Care Services
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